Chrissy Rynveld "I always want to grow and heal more so that I can show more and more women that healing and having peace is possible."
Tell us a little about yourself.
My name is Christina Danielle Rynveld, also known as “Chrissy Rainbows” by my sacred sisters. I'm a makeup artist and hair stylist, and I'm in the Army Reserve.
I grew up and currently live in Southern California next to the beach. The beach is definitely my happy place and a special place I like to have quiet time with God. I have a furry family of three, one sweet dog and two cats. I have a huge passion for everything beauty and empowering women to feel glamorous from the inside out. I love to sing and worship, I cannot thank God enough for that gift! I am currently learning a bit of guitar and keyboard in my free time.
What was life like before trauma?
Well, life before trauma is not exactly black and white for me. Unfortunately I have had two incidents with sexual assault. I will start at the beginning so you can truly understand my story.
When I was seven years old I was adopted by my aunt and uncle because my parents were battling a life of addiction. When I was young, sometime before the age of seven, a family friend accused my father of molesting me. There were never any charges filed or convictions due to the lack of evidence. To this day, I can not recall exactly what happened that day. Because I was so young when this "unknown incident" happened, I never really knew how to fully process it or know how to feel anything other than being “unsure." However, I can confidently say that no matter what was going on around me, I always felt a deep sense of being protected. I may or may not have understood anything about faith or God or the Holy Spirit, but I always had a sense there were angels by my side. This feeling of being safe continued on into my later years, even when my second incident occurred right before college.
What has life been like after trauma?
There was a lot of uncertainty and confusion around my story especially with it having happened at such a young age. I believe this is what led to me living with a lot of mistrust and some promiscuity. For a period of my life I used partying with friends, drinking, and smoking weed as a way to cope, numb or “feel alive." It was during this time that I had a second incident occur just prior to college that left no room for confusion. Thankfully, I was blessed to have a close friend support me the night of the incident and continue to support me through that season. I never opened up to anyone else about that incident until many years later.
Life after trauma has been a learning process in many ways. A mix between having grace for my abuser, forgiving my father for the unknown incident and even more grace for myself in the ways I acted out along the way. You could say my life was a bit messy but God truly began to show me how He saw me and sees me today. He showed me what true love is and that my “mess” was worth dying for.
How would you describe your healing?
Oh man. I think that “mess” I told you about previously was part of my process. Healing is so beautiful and honestly… it’s hard. It takes courage, vulnerability, and strength. These are things that, as a survivor, we may not believe we even have. But let me tell you ladies, we ARE strong, courageous and have the power to be vulnerable! God made us this way! And with God by our side, the healing process can be gentle, safe, loving and so much more.
"with God by our side, the healing process can be gentle, safe, loving and so much more.
Where are you at in your healing journey?
By the grace of God, I have healed a lot from my past. He is truly the Prince of Peace and has given me so much freedom through this journey. With that being said, I believe I still have a lot of room for growth in my life, and I am okay with that. I always want to grow and heal more so that I can show more and more women that healing and having peace is possible. I believe that God will continue to show me areas of my life that He wants me to have even more freedom and breakthrough in. He is a good God and I believe He has the perfect timing for each of us in that journey. I am so grateful that he has helped me grow to a place that I am now confident to help other women in this process.
What has been the biggest breakthrough in your recovery? What has been the biggest breakthrough in your self-love?
I grew up believing that when something happens to you, you “deal” with it and move on. “Tell yourself you’re okay and you will be. Don’t dwell on the past.” While it is important to be able to heal, grow and move on from the past, I realized I needed to truly acknowledge my emotions in order to heal. Denial of trauma would show up later in life if I didn't. It showed up for me in my relationships, friendships, working situations, through unhealthy habits etc. I believe the biggest breakthrough in my recovery was acknowledging these emotions but also going through this process with God by my side, guiding me to develop healthy habits.
This goes hand in hand with my breakthrough in my self-love. I was never able to acknowledge my emotions and needs so I never knew what I truly needed in the aspect of self-love. As I learn how I truly feel, I am learning how to love myself. This is the hard part ladies, I truly needed to learn grace for myself! By learning grace for myself, I can truly accept Gods grace! I am learning how God loves me which is teaching me how to love me. There is no better way to learn self-love than learning how God made you perfect in His eyes. It is like a continuous circle of: Learn how God loves me and gives me grace then love myself and give my self grace. And visa versa.
What does “completely healed” look like to you?
Peace. Peace in my eyes tells me that I am free. This may not always be easy and different situations in life will teach me where more freedom is possible.
Does forgiveness play a part in your story? Who have you had to forgive?
Absolutely. I believe that true deep healing does not happen without forgiveness. This has been a big hurdle in my healing story for many different reasons. Since aspects of my survivor story has been unclear for a long time, I not only had to forgive my (possible) abuser but I also had to forgive the "accuser" in the event that the allegations were not true.
What advice would you give a survivor going through trauma right now?
Reach out to those who love you. Tell someone! Do not allow yourself to believe the lie that you are going through this alone or that it is your fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Remember, you are so strong! Lastly, ask God for help! Even if it sounds crazy or if it is the last thing you want to do… just ask him. He is the true healer, nothing else this world has to offer will truly heal you. Learn to give it to God and He will help you!
Also if forgiveness is a goal, I do believe that forgiveness may take some time, and that is also okay. You may have to get to a deeper level of healing to be able to forgive so first and foremost, give yourself grace in the process of forgiving. Know that ultimately forgiveness is what will truly bring you to freedom.
What would you like other people to know about your story?
I know I’m not perfect, I have made mistakes, but I am happy with who God made me to be. I will always fight for healing in my family, no matter how many times I am disappointed. I love my parents despite their choices and addictions. I am grateful for my past because now I can help others. I am joyful. I am at peace and I am so incredibly blessed. I want you to know that YOU are so worthy, more worthy than you will ever feel you deserve because my God is that good.
I will always fight for healing in my family, no matter how many times I am disappointed.
What is your . . .
Love language: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation
Self-care routine: Beauty routines, beach/sunset dates with God
Self-love splurge: Make-up! Sephora is a dangerous place for me!
Best compliment you get: That I am peaceful and a good friend. That my singing voice is beautiful.
Most said prayer: Help me love, live and forgive like Jesus did. Help me see through your eyes and I give it all to you God.
A dream in your heart: to have a big, beautiful family that will love, serve and worship Jesus together.
Idea of the perfect day: A morning with Jesus on the beach, spend time with family and/or friends. Sprinkle some beauty or makeup and music in there and its a golden day.
Time or place you feel the most safe: Anytime or place I can worship freely and/or surrounded by those I trust and love.
Favorite quote: But he answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness. So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9
Secret wish: To be a mermaid! Why visit the beach when you can live in the ocean!?
Instagram: @godlyglamgirl / @chrissyrynveld